My Kid Makes $180,000 and Still Wants Us to Help Out Financially

How to decide whether to give money to grown children: matching gifts, enabling, and long-term outcomes

This episode explores a common family dilemma: when retired parents debate whether to give a large cash gift to an adult child. The conversation reframes the question from "can we afford it?" to "what is best for this child over the next 20 years?" That shift in perspective changes the solution from a one-time bailout to strategic, behavior-focused support.

Why long-term outcomes matter for intergenerational gifts

Hosts argue that the most loving financial help creates sustainable habits, not temporary relief. Instead of handing over cash that enables poor money choices, consider conditional strategies that promote accountability: matching contributions, enrollment in financial education, or funds earmarked for debt reduction or asset purchase.

Practical approaches: matching funds and financial education

Matching contributions reward demonstrated progress. For example, offer to match loan payments or car savings up to a cap. This reinforces responsible behavior and creates momentum toward debt payoff and financial stability.

• Financial literacy matters: require completion of a budget program to unlock support.
• Targeted spending: pay for a reliable car or apply funds directly to student loans, not to general cash.
• Set measurable milestones: link gifts to specific actions like paying $10k toward student debt.

Language and boundaries: love vs. enabling

The episode stresses the difference between loving support and enabling behavior. Enabling can perpetuate avoidance of responsibility — literally “giving a drunk a drink.” Intentional giving aims to teach "fishing for life," by creating budgets, accountability, and cash-flow discipline.

Tools and tactics recommended

Hosts recommend concrete tools such as the EveryDollar budgeting app, the Baby Steps framework, and Financial Peace University as a curriculum to teach budgeting, debt snowball, and spending reduction. Tying gifts to these tools boosts the likelihood that money will create long-term change.

In short, rethink family gifts with a focus on long-term character and financial health. Conditional, matched, and targeted financial support fosters a sustainable future for both the child and the family legacy. This episode provides both the mindset and the tactical playbook for parents weighing large gifts to adult children.