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From Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee

BITESIZE | Mel Robbins: How to Reduce Overwhelm, Reclaim Your Energy and Feel More In Control of Life #572

28:07
July 10, 2025
Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee
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Two Words That Free Your Mental Energy: "Let Them, Let Me"

Modern life constantly invites us to invest time and emotional energy into things we cannot control. The simple two-word practice "let them, let me" offers a compact, repeatable method to stop giving power away to other people's opinions, moods, and behaviors. By separating what you cannot influence from what you can, this approach restores agency, reduces stress, and protects the limited currency of time, energy, and health.

What "Let Them" Actually Means in Daily Life

Let them is the permission you give yourself to stop policing other people's thoughts, actions, and outcomes. It is not a denial of emotion; it is an acknowledgement that other people's beliefs and behaviors are outside your control. Saying "let them" creates an internal boundary that prevents you from spiraling into frustration, anger, or comparison when someone behaves in a way that bothers you.

What "Let Me" Gives You Back

Let me focuses attention inward on three things you can control: your thoughts, your actions (including the choice to act or not act), and how you process your emotions. This second part is where responsibility becomes practical. By asking "let me," you cue yourself to respond intentionally rather than reactively, to use breathing or pausing techniques, and to allocate your most valuable resources to pursuits that matter to you.

Reframing Jealousy: A Useful Diagnostic Tool

Jealousy is often painted as something to suppress or deny, but it can serve as a precise signal from your values. If you feel jealous of someone's house, career, or success, that emotional sting pinpoints what you truly want. Instead of letting jealousy erode your energy, use it as data: identify the specific desire, translate it into a tangible goal, and take a next practical step.

Turn Envy Into Action

  • Be honest about what triggers jealousy and write down the exact element you want.
  • Create one small, time-bound action you can take this week toward that desire.
  • Use the "let them" cue when comparison arises, then switch to "let me" to plan.

Protecting Energy For Better Health And Productivity

Constantly trying to control other people’s opinions or moods drains cognitive bandwidth and raises physiological stress. That stress accumulates and shows up as fatigue, poor sleep, or lowered immune resilience. The "let them, let me" framework is a micro-practice you can use in everyday moments—standing in line, reading a difficult message, or scrolling social media—to preserve focus and reduce chronic stress reactions.

Practical Steps To Start Using The Two-Word Tool

  • When triggered, silently say "let them" to acknowledge what you cannot change.
  • Follow immediately with "let me" and pick one calm response or micro-action.
  • Practice breathing exercises to regulate your body before responding to stressors.
  • List recurring comparison triggers and plan small, consistent actions to address them.

Distilling ancient teachings into two words creates a memorable habit for modern life. This method combines elements of detachment, radical acceptance, and intentional responsiveness. Over time, using "let them, let me" shifts your baseline: you spend less energy on uncontrollable drama and more on deliberate choices that move you forward. Try it in small moments and scale the practice to larger decisions—your health, relationships, and productivity will benefit.

Key points

  • Use the phrase "let them" to stop investing emotional energy into others' uncontrollable behavior.
  • Follow with "let me" to focus on controllable actions, thoughts, and emotional processing.
  • Treat jealousy as a signal: identify the specific desire and make one actionable plan.
  • Protect your time and energy by refusing to react to small daily provocations.
  • Practice breathing or pausing techniques after saying "let me" to reset your nervous system.
  • Accept that you cannot control opinions, and reclaim power through consistent small actions.
  • Prioritize health by reducing chronic stress from trying to manage other people's emotions.

FAQ

What does the phrase 'let them, let me' mean?

'Let them' acknowledges you cannot control other people's thoughts or actions; 'let me' redirects focus to what you can control: your thoughts, your actions, and how you process emotions.

How can I use this two-word tool in everyday situations?

When triggered, silently say 'let them' to put a boundary around the uncontrollable, then say 'let me' and choose one calm, specific response or small action to move forward.

Does this approach ignore or invalidate emotions like jealousy?

No; the method recognizes emotions but reframes them. Jealousy becomes useful information that reveals desires you can convert into practical steps rather than letting it drain your energy.

Will saying 'let them, let me' make me seem indifferent or uncaring?

Not if you practice it with emotional maturity; it's a boundary that allows you to care intentionally while avoiding reactive behavior driven by others' opinions.

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